Oh, to be able to breathe.....

Wow. What a day-- more like what a past two weeks. I've been through more these past two weeks than I can ever remember. I've had surgery on my calf, and counted over 20 incisions. Then I caught a WONDERFUL case of Strep Throat. That then turned into Asthmatic Bronchitis that decided to hang out for a week and a half. So, let's talk about how breathing has been. AWFUL. I hack like a seal. I sound like I'm calling some rare bird. People in the office bring bags of cough drops to my desk (which don't help), they ask me if I'm going to live (I've heard that too many times now), Why I'm not home (duh, it's called WORK b/c you HAVE to be there), if I'm calling the Artic seals from Half-Moon Bay (that was my fav). But did you know how much this cough HURTS? It literaly HURTS me deeply, throat and chest and shoulders. I know I sound like my lungs are going to jump out in my cube any minute, but I actually FEEL like they are going to. If it's annoying you - don't you think it's annoying me?

Alas, another trip to the doctor on Monday (previous on the Saturday prior, then last Thursday) which was trip #3 - And I was ordered to get a nebulizer, and prednisone. Seriously? A nebu-what? and Prednisone? doesn't that cause serious internal injury if used over time? Then I started freaking - what if I was going to have to do this for the rest of my life? Was this the final deteriation of the stupidity smoking I had done? Was the family genetics finally catching up to me at this age? I had a great aunt die from SEVERE Asthma - where the prednisone did so much damage to her lungs over time she ended up on a machine - and eventually it couldn't keep her alive? What about my paternal grandmother that died of pulmonary fibrosis - hardening of the lungs? What about my maternal grandmother (who doesn't claim me, btw. She doesn't return cards or calls) anyway - she's had serious allergies for many years. What have I done??

So, panic attack aside - I have my humidifier running in my room, I got a vaporizer to see if it will help ease some of this wheezing - I just used the nebulizer that isn't as scarey as I thought it would be. I can breathe. I'm not hacking my lungs out. I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I'm off to bed. Let's hope tomorrow stays like this.